The Box

by Jeremy Gloff

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1.
When I 
Was twenty something 
My heart was wide open Really thought that I found the one
 But I wasted my time he was not the one
 Broken hearted and feeling numb Me myself and I 
When I 
Was thirty something
 My body was wide open
 I gave my body to everyone 
I really thought it was having fun 
Rambling around and feeling numb
 Me myself and I

 Remember when all we had was time 
The world was open 
This exhausting silence
 This mental violence 
Won’t die
 When I 
Was eighty something
 My heart was wide open
 Be my best friend Be my own friend
2.
The Box 03:51
Take off all your clothes Look into the mirror Strip away your skin
 Your shell it disappears Your soul it might be diamonds Your heart it might be gold
 No one knows what’s in there 
Cause you’ll never show What is in there
 What’s inside
 The box 
I know that there’s a treasure hiding Inside the box

 Find yourself in bed
 With beautiful people They will only visit
 They will never live here
 Sometimes I wish I was more shiny 
I bruise behind my face Tell me what you’re hiding In your display case
 What is in there
 What’s inside 
The box 
Your wrapping paper’s hiding what’s Inside the box 
I know there’s someone in there 

Open up the door and let me in
 Open up your heart and let me in
 Open up the door let yourself in
 I know there’s someone in there
3.
I wanna ask you out but I am not pretty Everybody knows that your friends are pretty I wanna ask you out but I am not pretty Everybody knows that your friends are pretty Flashback to a fashion show Surrounded by everyone I know In a corner in a button up All the things I hate about myself Rising to the top Rising to the top The self hate it won’t stop Flashback to a drink in your hand I’m dreaming of a wedding band Against a wall feeling repulsive All the things I hate about myself Coming out to play Coming out to play The self hate won’t go away Don’t think I’m pretty - boys don’t boys don’t Feeling worn down ‘cause you won’t you won’t Don’t think I’m pretty girls don’t girls don’t Feeling ate up ‘cause you won’t you won’t Feeling chewed up and I’m feeling torn down I feel real ugly do you wanna get down? Feeling disposable feeling spit out I feel real ugly do you wanna go out
4.
Up in my bedroom Up on the third floor Behind a locked door My face is half frozen Stress of day to day When someone loves me It’ll be okay While meanwhile in Russia Zelimkhan are you safe? While meanwhile in Russia Zelimkhan are you safe? Did they hurt you? I wanna know if they hurt you My own freedom My neighbors just got married Beautiful groom and groom We’ve come a long way I thought my family didn’t like me Turns out they’ve always loved me  The way I am But meanwhile in Russia Zelimkhan are you safe? While meanwhile in Russia Zelimkhan are you safe? Did they hurt you? I wanna know if they hurt you My own freedom All this time to figure out who I am…
5.
Scott I was so young I was stupid I was crazy I know that you didn’t love me You were straight I know I scared you No idea why I felt so much Or why I fell so long You’ve hated me since ’94 Don’t think I love you anymore Ryan I know I tortured you Followed you around town You’ve forgiven me - it’s cool Still I am embarrassed I was gay it was the 90s Didn't understand my feelings You’re my first love in high school And I’m glad that we are cool now If we met today If we met today we’d be okay If we met today We’d laugh and say Them good old Fredonia days I was mixed up growing up Sometimes I was a bitch Sometimes spoiled sometimes troubled Hard to get along with Probably needed help myself Needed counseling myself Chasing Kristian chasing Myles Adult ruled by inner-child now Dad I tried to reach you But you wouldn’t respond You wouldn’t even take my phone call The week that you were dying People accusing me of coming around After all these years It’s between me and you And I know that we are cool now
6.
Atlanta 03:58
Let’s talk about Atlanta The yellowish lamp shade The brown couch The closed door Sitting staring at the door Trying to stay calm Shut my mouth I can never shut my mouth Silent but the tick tock tick tock Watching the clock Should trust a friend Never again In one day your life changed forever In one day your life changed forever You’ll never be the same - no no - never Driving to Atlanta to get myself back  Little boy black got himself killed His body in the ground Deep as the bodies These things I stuff inside 37 down 285 Remember that doorway Remember that window Remember those soft lips Breaking a mirror In one day your life changed forever In one day your life changed forever You’ll never be the same - no no - never Driving to Atlanta to get myself back I’m driving to Atlanta to get myself back 
7.
Closer? 04:02
Post a picture at your best Post a picture at your worst Show the world your neediness and thirst They’re just pictures and words Just pictures and words A thousand characters read not heard Hashtag #nobodygaveadamn And I’ll admit these pictures Don’t make me feel closer And I’ll admit these pictures Don’t make me feel closer Drifting further and further See your flaws on display All your need plainly laid Your life story in every raw detail And I will like and comment Like and comment Say you need help Sad emoji on it Nobodygaveadamn.com And I’ll admit these words they  Don’t make me feel closer And I’ll admit these words they Don’t make me feel closer Drifting further and further I wish I were closer I wish I felt closer I wish we were closer Drifting further and further (Today I woke up and I wasn’t In my twenties anymore There is nothing left in the scene There is nothing left on the screen There’s even nothing left to scream So I go back to my apartment And I shut the door And I go back to bed…) I am dying One comment at a time
8.
Carly can’t wait for the band to start Strip is shining The desert’s quiet and dark Ten minutes til the bandit preys He’s in a hotel Watching the bands play And I hear run - go ahead and run First it sounds like fireworks But someone’s got a gun And I hear run Go ahead and run Can’t win even thousands against one Juan and Drew a great romance The night is shining The crowd begins to dance Ten minutes ’til the bandit comes He’s in the parking lot Tapping to the drums And I hear run - go ahead and run First it sounds like fireworks But someone’s got a gun Then I hear run Go ahead and run Can’t win even thousands against one Tired of being strong I just want to feel safe Take the toys away Still you’ve got the hate I said Orlando strong and Vegas strong I just want to feel safe How’d you send your kids to school today? We sat in a park - all us frightened people In a circle and we’re holding hands We held each other all us frightened people God almighty tell me will it stop? I can’t throw a punch how could I hold a gun? Tell me tell me tell me will it stop? I can’t throw a punch how could I hold a gun?
9.
Take me on a bathroom floor I been down here a couple times before Get a broom - I know I’m trash Get some medicine I know I’m a rash You see the problem is It’s one out of a hundred times You leave me hanging other ninety nine Take me in a pitch black room I keep a secret and I’m leaving soon Never never never again Will I ask for it Never never never again Will I beg for it Got what I want Hope you want it again Dust off my knees Pretend that I’m your friend My self-esteem under years of dust My self-worth under years of rust You see the problem is It’s one out of a hundred times You leave me hanging other ninety-nine Meanwhile they’re in love I’m going crazy out in Fort Lonesome Never never never again Will I ask for it Never never never again Until tomorrow Meanwhile you’re in love I’m going crazy out in fort lonesome Meanwhile you’re in love And I’m living in fort lonesome
10.
A picture of you from ’84 You never smile like that anymore And the deaths add up And the deaths add up Who’s counting?  I see you before the clouds came through Before the world eroded you Can you do one thing Can you do one thing Gonna make you sing Gonna make you sing Just smile - like in those pictures Just smile - like the sun up in the sky Just smile - forget the shadows Wanna know who you were before the ashes I wanna know who you were before the ashes By ’86 the clouds came in Add and remove a layer of skin You’re adult you’re a child You’re adult you’re a child We’ve all been both our entire lives I see you before the flood came through Before the world screwed up you Can you do one thing Can you do one thing Gonna make you sing Gonna make you sing  Disappointments add up  And the years they add up Disappointments add up One by one by one Who’s keeping track anymore? (Dad and Kathy still together somewhere… Happy child’s still in there somewhere… All that light still in there somewhere…)
11.
Tampa 02:25
Might not be The best city in the world It’s the place that I call home Might not have the best galleries Win polls in magazines If you put down Tampa Florida You’re my enemy My friends are here My favorites roads are here That crazy little magic in the night Alright Laid back like Lou On a Sunday afternoon And we’re going on adventures In the back of Vanna White Me and cousin Donna Gonna terrorize the town If you put down Tampa, Florida I’m gonna throw down My friends are here My favorite roads are here That crazy little Something in the night Alright Tampa is my home
12.
Low Voltage 03:36
Driving through Alabama again The sky is like cotton candy  So beautiful I found a letter I wrote you Twenty one years ago Forgot we used to play games On your bedroom floor You better grow up boy You better grow up boy Cause you’re gone With you died The way you made me feel You’re gone World with a little less electricity Low voltage Learning how to live ‘Cause I’m still alive Low voltage Learning how to love I just drive Down I-10 a forest fallen And it’s reaching its claws At me from beside the road The lights are out a hundred miles In and outside my soul Mile after mile nowhere else to go I’m destroyed I never let it show I just get out of bed everyday Go on day after day
13.
Dig Right In 03:02
Once I thought I knew it all Then I didn’t know a thing These days I keep it blank White noise everything Once I yearned to travel far Now I like to be at home Once I kept many friends Now I like my time alone My time alone - time alone Watching all these legends die Shrouded in disgrace Language of my youth Outdated and erased Once the world felt so big I now accept I’m small Climbing up the tree of life Til my twig snaps and falls Snaps and falls - snaps and falls Keep starting fires y’all Keep on asking questions It’s your turn to find your way Ignore our suggestions Populate this universe Even if death will win Passing on the torch to you Young one dig right in Dig right in - dig right in Dig right in - dig right in
14.
(originally written and recorded on my first demo tape in 1993) Come hold me baby Put your arms around me Let it take me over All I wanna do is be wrapped up in you Let it take me over There’s another side to love There’s another side to our love No tengo miedo de ser romántico Something happens when I look at you Begin to lose control Something else takes hold And my soul is sold Oh no it never felt like this It’s not just passion or masochists Not just passion But a different kind of feeling There’s another side to love There’s another side to our love No tengo miedo de ser romántico There’s another side to love Rolling over highway love You are my one and only let me show you how You are my one and only let me know you how
15.
I am driving down the east coast With my dad’s guitar Made a stop in West Virginia Sleeping in my car He was a funny man - he was a legend Still there are no tears Cousin Kristie down in Charlotte Remembering dirt roads Got my step dad’s bow and arrow A clock we used to own He was a good man - another legend Still there are no tears Not sure who I am anymore Feeling close to nothing Whittled down to nothing Driving south as Tori Amos sings In a car of dead man’s things On a highway in America Somewhere in America Through a tunnel in the mountains To the Florida line Getting close to my apartment O.C.D. all the time Numb and sex addicted I’m feeling just fine Always a flat line Final stop in Alabama Standing by the grave Of the only one I’d die for I’m leaving with his tapes He could’ve changed the world Still he was a legend I felt him in that chair Not sure who I am anymore Feeling close to nothing Whittled down to nothing Driving east as Madonna sings In a car of dead man’s things On a highway in America I’m somewhere in America

credits

released November 3, 2019

All songs written by Jeremy Gloff

Riotboy Music ASCAP

Jeremy Gloff: Guitar, keyboard, vocals, drum programming

Jeff Brawer: Bass, vocals
Derek Forrester: Bass, guitar, vocals

Florida Dame: Additional vocals on “My Own Freedoms”
Nicolaas J. Kraster - Guitar solo on “Before The Ashes”

Additional keyboards on “Atlanta”, “Fort Loneseome” and “Low 
Voltage” by AW


Additional backup vocals:

Shae Krispinsky, Marc Ganancias, Nickole Hanna Lahr

Photo photo by Harold Hasselback
Cover layout by Sidney Chase
Mastering by K. Paul Boyev

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Jeremy Gloff Tampa, Florida

Jeremy Gloff is an independent musician and writer residing in Tampa, Florida. Since his first album in 1993 Gloff has released 22 solo albums.

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